During my presentation of the effective communication guide to a business affinity group, one of the members asked me an interesting question:  “Do opposites attract?”

We had already completed most of the Session, and since I personally knew both of them, I could agree with his assessment of them being opposites. It did appear the two were completely opposite, and to him this was also a clear picture of the “Opposites Attract” rule.

But is there really such a thing as Opposites Attract in effective communication and what role does it play? A study published in the July 2003 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that self-perception was more likely to match mate perception, meaning how you think of yourself tends to match how you think of your partner. It concluded that the participants used a “likes-attract” rule, meaning they preferred partners who are similar more than opposite.

Looking deeper into the relationship of my friends, I could see key aspects of their relationship that were more similar than opposite:

  • Both were physically attractive
  • Monetary outlook/incentives were close to even
  • Religious heritage matched
  • Educational levels corresponded
  • Career and aspiration goals synced up

So even though my friend introverted way left, and his partner extroverted far to the right, creating an apparent opposites attract scenario in the core parts of their relationship revealed a sameness in some core issues that created an strong partnership.

Overcoming Opposites

The fear my friend was trying to express by asking if opposites attract stemmed from focusing on only one aspect of themselves. Yes, either introversion or extroversion taken to the extreme can be harmful. But remember: There’s nothing right or wrong in the natural occurrence of these effective communication traits, but there can be painful results when extroversion is taken to extreme, or when introversion is left unchecked.

The goal of effective communication is to help you improve all your in relationships. Understanding where you are in it, will help you see where you want to be next. Finding opposites within your relationship shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, because it is this spark of difference that gives a freshness to being together.

Just remember that the same thing that attracted you or the Opposite you are now focused on can be the thing that is the most challenging for you. But learning effective communication in spite of it is what we are here to do.

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